As parents, we want our children to be confident and assertive. We want them to have the power to stand up for themselves and to express their opinions in a respectful and effective way. But how can we achieve this goal? One of the most important things we can do as parents is to teach our children the power of assertiveness.
First, let’s explore what assertiveness means, why it’s so important, and how we can encourage our children to use assertive communication in their everyday lives.
Before we dive into the specifics of assertive communication, let’s take a closer look at the three different styles of communication: aggressive, passive, and assertive. Parents can teach their kids the difference between aggressive, passive, and assertive communication.
- Aggressive communication is characterized by speaking or acting in a way that is disrespectful, hurtful, or insulting to others. This is when someone expresses their thoughts and feelings in a way that is forceful or threatening. It involves putting down others, being angry, and using abusive language. Children who use aggressive communication may find it challenging to build healthy relationships with their peers and may struggle with conflicts, as their communication style is often confrontational and intimidating. It often involves a sense of domination or control over the other person. Examples of aggressive phrases include “You’re wrong!” or “Do it my way or else!”
- Passive communication, on the other hand, involves speaking or acting in a way that is self-demeaning or submissive. This is when someone does not express their thoughts and feelings clearly or effectively, leading to a lack of assertiveness. Passive kids may avoid expressing their needs, withdraw from conflicts, and have low self-esteem. They may struggle to stand up for themselves or may feel uncomfortable saying ‘no.’ It often involves avoiding confrontation or conflict altogether. Examples of passive phrases include “It doesn’t matter” or “Whatever you want is fine.”
- Assertive communication is the optimal style of communication because it involves expressing oneself in a clear, respectful, and honest way while also listening to and considering the other person’s perspective. Assertive communication is the winning combination of being able to express your needs and feelings while respecting others. Assertive kids are confident, respectful, and clear in their communication. They are not afraid to state their needs and opinions, negotiate effectively, and generally have high self-esteem. They are better able to deal with conflicts and stand up to bullies. Examples of assertive phrases include “I understand your point of view, but I believe that…” or “I feel uncomfortable when you do/say…”
Body language and facial expressions play a significant role in communication. They can reinforce the message you are trying to convey or detract from it. An assertive child will maintain good eye contact, stand up straight, and speak with authority. Conversely, a child using passive communication may speak in a soft or toneless voice, avoid eye contact, or slouch. While an aggressive child may use physical cues to intimidate or dominate, such as towering over their peers or pointing fingers.
Now that we have a better understanding of the different styles of communication, let’s talk about why it’s important for kids (and everyone!) to use assertive communication. The benefits of assertiveness are numerous. Kids who are assertive are more likely to have healthy relationships, feel confident in themselves, and stand up for their beliefs and values. Additionally, assertiveness helps children to expand their social skills and to set healthy boundaries with others.
So, how can we encourage our children to use assertive communication in their everyday lives? One of the most important things we can do is to model assertiveness ourselves. By speaking up for ourselves and setting boundaries in our own lives, we teach our children that it’s okay to do the same. We can also teach our children assertive phrases and give them opportunities to practice using them in real-life situations. You can also provide them with hypothetical situations and point out ways in which models in TV shows, movies, and everyday life use different forms of communication and discuss the benefits of using the assertive style of communication.
To get started with encouraging assertiveness in our children, we can use the following phrases:
- “I understand your point of view, but I believe that…”
- “I feel uncomfortable when you do/say…”
- “Can we find a compromise that works for both of us?”
Most children are not taught how to use assertive forms of communication. Parents need to help them learn strategies to help them communicate in assertive ways. Encouraging our children to use assertive communication is one of the most important things we can do as parents. By modeling assertiveness ourselves and teaching our kids assertive phrases, we empower them to stand up for themselves and to navigate their relationships with confidence and respect. So, let’s all work together to raise a generation of assertive and empowered individuals!