Parents should celebrate when their preschool child first starts to lie!
This is because they have developed what psychologists call the “Theory of Mind” – they realize that what they know is different from what everyone else knows.
A more specific definition is: that theory of mind involves the ability to think about mental states, both your own and those of others. It has to do with the ability to attribute mental states, including emotions, desires, beliefs, and knowledge, and recognize that other people’s thoughts and beliefs may differ from yours.
For example, if they ate a piece of chocolate cake in the pantry by themselves: they know that their parents don’t know they ate it. When the parents approach them to talk about the cake, they deny it!
Even if there is chocolate smeared all over their mouth and a piece of cake is missing, they will stick to their story: They did not eat that cake!
Parents should celebrate this because that means their child’s mind has developed executive function because they are actually able to hold back the truth and tell a lie instead. They are able to think about what they want to say, make a plan, and do it. They are also able to stop themselves from telling the truth.
When a child starts to lie, parents are usually worried that their child will become a pathological liar or a criminal, but this is rarely the case.
Neurotypical children are usually lying for 5 specific reasons such as
- Getting out of trouble
- Making themselves look good which is also known as a pro-social lie
- To make someone else feel good such as a white lie
- Avoid a conflict
- Get out of something they don’t want to do
If a child under the age of 7 is lying and it involves other types of troubling behavior like oppositional, defiant, or aggressive behavior, then you should seek professional advice.