The fall season is upon us and families are starting to engage in their annual holiday rituals for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Our Indian-American family is also thinking about Durga Puja, Garba, Diwali, and Lakshmi Puja.
What defines your family?
What is your family’s definition of “This is Us”?
The research reveals that developing a family identity, what your family does together, and what they care about is very grounding for children.
Happy, successful families tell their children stories about their families. These stories help pass down family values, beliefs, and worldviews. Research has proven that families are more satisfied and better functioning when families tell their children stories about how their families value hard work and accomplishment
Family stories, routines, and rituals provide children with a sense of belonging and provide them with an understanding of how their families are unique from other families.
Creating family boundaries helps your child know that they are part of something special. It facilitates bonding with the other family members because members of the same family share the same routines and rituals.
Family routines are everyday practices that help families function effectively. The research shows that families that have household routines have a better socio-emotional adjustment for children especially when their families have to deal with divorce, remarriage, or becoming a blended family system. When families have bedtime routines, children develop better sleep habits. When families have meal times together, children have higher self-esteem and fewer emotional problems. They are less likely to use drugs or alcohol and develop eating disorders.
Our family has a weekly dinner menu so there is no confusion over what they will be having during the week. We also reserve Friday nights so the kids can have breakfast for dinner which is one of their favorite meals.
During dinner, we have a list of questions we ask them:
- What was a high, something awesome that happened?
- What was a low, something that didn’t go well?
- What was a mistake they made (because we have to celebrate them as must-takes to develop the growth mindset)?
- What is something that they did well (this boosts self-esteem)?
- What is something that they are grateful for (activates serotonin and dopamine)?
We have family meetings once a month and they look forward to discussing what went well, what the family’s travel plans will be, things that are not working in our family, and much more! We always end family meetings by doing something fun.
Family rituals are formal religious observances, family celebrations, and rites of passage. For example, our family does an annual Halloween party and costume contest that our family looks forward to. We go to an annual Garba and do sparklers on Diwali, play Bingo, eat special Indian sweets, and the kids get presents.
According to a 50-year review of research published in the American Psychological Association’s Journal of Family Psychology in 2002, family routines and rituals are linked to “marital satisfaction, adolescents’ sense of personal identity, children’s health, academic achievement, and stronger family relationships.”